Hey all – Hatton here.
Well, the world is talking about the dying gasp that is Twit… ahem.. X. So I thought I would run through a few ideas I’ve had recently that would be better names we could use instead of X to X-eeting.. Skexeet… Xavier-eeting people– better names for Twitter and why.
First let’s work with the assumption that we MUST change Twitter. We can invent some farfetched reason like we have a small peepee and can’t help but cram our greedy fingers into everything, or that we’re doing our best to sink the ship to try and recoup our lost millions somehow. Off the top of head. Fact is, doesn’t matter why.. we’re changing that blue bird of happiness.
Let’s start simple.
What if we called them Shawties?
The caveat is that you can only use them on someone’s birthday.
You’re welcome.
We could go fancy, and try to bring us back to a posher time and refer to them as Missives. A word originating in mid 1500s France – instead of our Tweetdeck being laden with the sale of plummeting NFTs and the dumbfuck opinions of anyone with a phone.. well now we can receive a missive, which will, of course, provide you with a bevvy of financial opportunities for fungible items in an exciting speculative market and give you the regular thoughts of the assinity of the proletariat as they send missives hither and yon.
Another short idea – we could just call it Reddit.. by next year that name will likely be just as available.
Next, I’d like to reach back just a little while ago on the internet, a trend you still see today although not as much. When the land grab for domains got hot, a lot of start ups couldn’t get normal uncopyrightable words, so they made their own. JOOMLA, XOBNO, HULU, SKYPE or they removed expensive vowels: BUTLR, FLICKR, GRINDR, SCRIBD.. hell, even Twitter was almost TWTTR — but now that we’re assuredly changing the way we TWT, why not go all in. No vowels. Not even in your missives. What will we call these.. I don’t care, I just don’t want vowels, so lets go with DPSHT.
Finally, since X is here til the Chapter 11 filings, we can praise Elon for one thing. Someone that works his puppet thoughts realized that with the advent of horrible short form video (a rant for another day) a shorter name saves people time. By X-ing, you’re saving yourself a fraction of a fraction of a second over Tweeeeeeeeeeeting, each time you say it. Efficiency is the name of the game, so we’re going to go one finally step further.
Instead of X’ing… instead of Tweeting… the best thing we can do is just not talk about them at all. Send a text message instead. Except on birthdays. Then we Shawty.
