Tag: 1-Star Review

Good evening Ratbrains!

For the last of the 1-Star Movie Reviews, the Somethings have chosen the creme de la crap, a veritable feast for the senses.. as long as the only thing your senses recognize is the color blue. We are talking about the Travolta & Xenu vehicle that is Battlefield Earth.

Was this movie deserving of its many many many awards? Was it worth the time of actors like Forrest Whitaker and Kim Coates? Are we, a species, doomed to forget everything we’ve known because of the scourge of SIKO and OLOGY or whatever the crap they talk about? Find out on this week’s 1-Star Movie Review: Battlefield Earth

Ok, here Xenu

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The year was 1995 – the world of videogame nerds was overtaken by the cinema masterpiece that was Mortal Kombat.  ..ok, fine, it wasn’t a masterpiece, but it was kinda badass.

The year was 1997 – the world of videogame nerds realized something had gone horribly wrong and the movie studio was trying to cash-in on the IP and gave us Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

So now, what happens when the Somethings go back in time, choose their Kombatent and rise through the ranks to fight against the villanous Shao Khan.. who is apparently not the Emporer of the Outworld trying to take over the Overworld… he is, apparently, a whiny Italian man whose father really pulls the strings. Maybe. We don’t know.

Test your might – and your stomach this week on 1-Star Movie: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

Okay here we g–MORTAL KOMBAT, duhn duhn duhn du duhn!

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What happens when you take $1000, some Windows ’98 Screen Savers, a green bedsheet, and some stock footage, put them in a blender and turn it on high?  Why you get the Neil Breen collection! Now, if you happen to want to see what we saw, you could go to the Breen Collection on Archive.org. I’m not saying you should… but you could.

Matt, Rob and James sat down and watched the story of…  well.. to be honest.. we’re not sure, but it has Neil playing twins, and space aliens that look strikingly like Paul Shaffer. So join us as we dive into the gift that Nick Haskins gave us in 1 Star Movie Review: Twisted Pair

Check out “Twisted Pair” on 1 Star Movie Review!

Okay here we go!

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Sometimes the Somethings don’t want to podcast… they want to rock and roll all night, and party every day – but sometimes.. instead of even doing that, they want to go to an amusement park to see a band that may or may not live there and discover the secrets of the evil scientist that is building an army of robots.

Oh, and also, the Somethings have magical powers in this situation. No, we haven’t had them before. No, we’re not explaining them to you.

So find out when we find out we aren’t the only folks who have had that adventure – weird huh? On 1-STAR MOVIE REVIEW – KISS: PHANTOM OF THE PARK

Ok, here we go back to callin… cause we won’t be home tonight

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Look, in the early 80s there were two ways to make a ton of money… the first was a lot of cocaine. The second, which sometimes included the first, was to make something that people who were squinting may think they were watching something Star Wars related.

Enter the checkerpatterned opera that is Space Raiders. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll swear you saw this footage before.

Find out what the hell that means on 1-Star Movie Review: Space Raiders

Ok, here we go Over The Top!

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JAAAAACK…. ROOOOOOSE… INEVITABLE HUBRIS OF HUMANITY FOR A CASH-IN SEEEEQUEL!

That’s right. The Titanic is setting sail again, and this time nothing could go wrong! We have technology and hindsight guaranteeing it will be — what? Global warming? Oh, sunuva…

So get below decks and join the Somethings as we journey around the Arctic Circle looking for fun and love in the craziest of places. We’re rich, relatable, and beyond reproach.. everything is gonna be great!

Now let’s light up this cigar and smoke it (something people obviously say all of the time) on 1-Star Movie Review: Titanic 2

Ok, here we go!

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A scattered group of people all feel a pull to go to one place. They travel by car, plane, sneaker, and bicycle like some sort of dystopian It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World all to reveal what has happened to a world on the brink of devastation.

Do not miss the Amy Dolenz vehicle, and our review of: 1-Star Movie Review: 2012 Doomsday

Now, are you the type of person that wants to see the movie after knowing how amazing it is?  Well if you would like… here you go.

Ready? Ok, here we g… where did we go?

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Tis the season!  And, by season, we obviously mean tornado season.. what other season could I have meant?!  You see due to global warming, there is a chance we are looking at out-of-nowhere tornadoes that can just hit the ground and send us packing.

So join us on this whirlwind of a holiday season and visit the harrowing journey of one family as a half dozen or so tornadoes seem to follow them where ever they go. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it better than bad, it’s good?  Don’t forget, you can watch this masterpiece first – here!

Find out with 1-Star Movie: Christmas Twister 

Before the episode though – just want to remind you all that we are heading in to our usual December Vacation – so get ready for twice as much Somethings with the Best of 2023!

But first – Ok here we blow!

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We promised October was shake-it-up month for the Somethings, and Hatton couldn’t be happier to reveal our new format type. You see, Hatton loves a good piece of garbage movie.. PCR doesn’t hate them, but he certainly likes them less. So we get the perfect Odd Couple moment as the Somethings dig their teeth into the bitter pill that is the budget movie experience.

So settle in as we start with a found footage alien film, brought to you by Asylum, and filmed on what is probably a bricked iPhone 3. Alien Origins is the tale of some people in the woods doing stuff, and you may think that is where we begin, but no… it goes on for so much longer.

So grab your popcorn and your Dramamine, you are going to need it. 1-Star Movie Review – Alien Origins has arrived.

Ok, here we go!

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